Well – it’s more than being a bit forgetful or losing things now and again. It’s a daily uphill struggle to keep your s**t together. To remember where your keys are, and not to lose your phone while you’re looking for them (here’s a little help for that : https://chipolo.net/en/blogs/top-10-key-searching-strategies).
It’s tripping over a blade of grass, choking on thin air and walking into two doors while you pace around frantically, cursing your own ineptitude. It’s also finding that when you arrive at your destination (after getting on the wrong bus or realising you’ve no petrol), you’ve got the wrong day. You’re either an hour early or three days late. And you’ve forgotten to take the EXACT address with you, subconsciously confident as you left that you kind of knew where you were going (I once panicked as I was running late and hit roadworks en route to my friend’s wedding only to find I was in the wrong town 😫).
We often have a special kind of optimism amid all the frustration and self-loathing that it will all turn out fine. We’re resourceful, after all. Let’s face it, we have to be. We face more curveballs daily than a baseball league does in a season.
There are people with attention deficit, who are easily distracted and may feel constant brain fog and / or daydream a lot. And there are those who are hyperactive (physically and / or mentally) and impulsive, with a constant need for physical or mental stimulation. Then there are those of us who are the combined type with both inattention and hyperactivity / impulsivity. In my experience, it is the latter who tend to get into the biggest pickles.
People with ADHD tend to have a back catalogue of amusing stories about the scrapes they’ve got themselves into- when they can remember them, of course. Think Stan Laurel with ‘another fine mess…’ he’s got into. Some ADHDers have more stories than others and we can all be guilty of over-sharing. Our stories are often highly amusing – after the event – and we tend to laugh at our own ridiculousness, most of the time…
I recently attended an ADHDAF* event where the audience were asked for their most ADHD Christmas story. I couldn’t think of one, so messaged my very neurotypical bezzie. She immediately responded ‘the jewellers – my favourite story ever’ and I had to chuckle. In my twenties (pre-diagnosis) I had been busy working in the shop pre-Christmas, running up and downstairs to the store room for boxes, and wrapping gifts for customers. At the end of one shift I noticed a watch hanging up in the back room. Confused, I put it back on display in the window. On Boxing Day a customer made a bee-line for me, saying I’d served him on Christmas Eve. He’d bought a special (pricey) watch for his wife, but when she’d unwrapped it she found an empty box. So THAT was the watch left in the back room 👀😲! The poor guy. Thankfully, he and his wife had a sense of humour and their marriage endured the incident. I was mortified at the time, but can see the funny side now, in what was just one in a series of retail blunders.
Others included knocking the head off a ceramic blue-tit ornament (£300 pre-millenium 😲), and walking out of the shop only to realise later that day that I was still wearing the mega-expensive diamond ring I’d been trying on whilst tidying a display. Inevitably, that career was short-lived…
A lesser-known impact of having ADHD is our emotional dysregulation. This isn’t in the diagnostic manual yet (https://totallyadd.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/DSM-5-Criteria-for-ADHD-June-2020.pdf), but hopefully, it will appear in the next version. Many say this is the hardest aspect to deal with, myself included, and most people I speak to who have ADHD recognise their own Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD – https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/friendship-20/201907/what-is-rejection-sensitive-dysphoria?amp ).
I’m generally a strong character, but criticism / rejection – valid, real or perceived, can hit hard. Like, EXTREMELY hard. It’s visceral. Often short-lived, it’s horrendous while it lasts. For me, my rational brain knows I’m overreacting, and I try to mask the pain / disappointment, but emotionally it is dreadful and completely debilitating. Words just can’t convey the depth of feeling attached to it. I’d say the flip side of this is the fighting spirit most of us seem to have. When we’re not suffering from ADHD paralysis (a SEVERE lack of motivation that can see you stuck in one position for hours on end, trying to convince yourself to just get up and do the really important, really urgent thing you need to attend to) we tend to have an extremely powerful fighting spirit, to go with our huge sense of injustice. We’re not the ones you’d want to pick a metaphorical fight with. We may suffer in silence for a while, doubting ourselves, but once the balance has been tipped, or if we feel someone else is unfairly being attacked, watch us turn into lions / lionesses.
I found that my diagnosis was a relief as it makes sense of my whole, chaotic life. It has also put me in touch with numerous like-minded people, which is a godsend in itself. If any of this strikes a chord in you, and you haven’t done so already, you might want to explore a diagnosis. Here’s a mini-test you can do to give you a better insight but please don’t hold your breath. The waiting lists are lengthy…
https://adhdtest.theminiadhdcoach.com/?utm_source=Popuptest&utm_medium=sharing&utm_campaign=1
In the meantime, free to free to pop along to our next meet, which will be announced on our social media soon. We want everyone to feel welcome and are happy to support people as best we can. I look forward to saying hello, and will try not to overshare or spill a drink over you…👀👋🏻
Take care,
Helen
*ADHD as females – podcasters https://www.adhdasfemales.com
